Don't Let Go
by Fifth Horseman
Summary: The inevitable finally happens, and Revy breaks. Luckily she has Rock to hold her together. Rated M mostly for the language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Black Lagoon. Rei Hiroe created that world, I'm just playing in it and trying not to get shot.

This will be my first fan fiction that is not based on Evangelion, which is something I've been wanting to do for while now.

Now, if you're looking for an action packed, shooter fic...this ain't it. Although I would like to do one in the future, but the right idea hasn't popped into my head yet.

This, like many of my stories, digs into the emotional states of the characters. I guess I'm a little different that way when I watch anime. I enjoy the story that's on the surface, but I also like to pay close attention to why the characters act the way they do. What has shaped their lives to make them who they are now.

If more people did that I think you would see a lot less blatant, mindless, and needless character bashing and hate.

Ahem. Now how the hell did I get on top of that particular soapbox?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I have written. I did indeed work very hard on it and I think it turned out well. I hope you leave a review.

As always, flamers will be handled with extreme prejudice, brainless gits that they are.

Enjoy.

* * *

**Don't Let Go**

Revy definitely didn't fall into the category of being the type of woman who would cling to anyone for any reason. She didn't seek comfort in physical contact. Hell, if anything she was the very definition of 'anti-clingy', more likely to knock you on your ass or put a bullet in your head for being too close than to try and keep you perpetually within her reach.

However, that didn't change the undisputable fact that at this particular moment in time she was desperately clinging to Rock as tightly as she could. Currently, they were in her rather chaotically messy room, on her equally unkempt bed and completely lost in their own symphony of muted moans, breathless gasps, and squeaking bedsprings.

She clung to him tightly so that he couldn't look into her eyes and see the tears streaming from them.

The tears that came from that tiny little sliver of humanity that she still possessed thanks to him. Sometimes she really hated that small part of herself that he had salvaged and breathed life into. It was a part of her that no one had ever seen and it painfully reminded her of what her life could never, ever be.

She thought that little part of herself had been locked away deep down inside of her soul when she was still little more than a child. Buried deep, as her life took its rapid, hellish downward slide into the cesspool that was her unfortunate reality. Somehow it had managed to survive its undignified burial and was now alive and well.

She clung to him so tightly because that tiny little part of her that wasn't covered in murder and mud and blood and the filth of her day to day life, the shadow of the woman within her that _wasn__'__t_ Two Hands, the woman she might have become if she had ever had even a half a chance in her life, was just as afraid to lose him as she was afraid to have him.

He had become the anchor for the last shreds of her sanity, his presence in her life actually pulling her back from the brink after that confrontation between them at the market when she very nearly killed him. Despite his reluctance and inability to use a gun, they actually worked well together and it wasn't long before they fell into a natural routine. They became partners and it actually seemed odd, and though she was loathe to admit it, even uncomfortable when they didn't work together on a job.

Sure, she would always give him a hard time, but he also didn't back down from her either when the shit got serious and she respected him for that. For someone she had thought of as being so soft, he had guts and stuck to what he believed, there was no denying that. She still couldn't believe that she had turned her guns on Balalaika and Boris while they were in Japan, when that particular ability had earned him the distinction of having the business end of the Russian mob bosses' pistol aimed at his face while she had him slammed over the hood of a car.

She had thought a lot about why she had done that, why she had been willing to go that far for him if that's what it would have taken. Same for why she had felt such a sense of relief when he told her that he had no intention of staying in Japan rather than going back to Roanapur when their work there was done. It wasn't until now that she had discovered any of the possible answers to those questions and it scared the living hell out of her like nothing else ever had or ever could.

There was something about him that got under her skin. He had a knack for finding the cracks in her armour and quietly flowing inside and no matter what she did or how hard she tried, she just couldn't keep him out. The hell of it was, he did it without even trying. He didn't have to say or do anything, just his mere presence seemed to be enough and it frustrated the hell out her. She could snap and snarl at him like a rabid dog, call him names and generally abuse him and it didn't matter. He was still there and still getting inside, and the real fuck of it was that after all this time she didn't think she could take it if he _wasn__'__t_ there to slip inside her defences and frustrate the living hell out of her.

It had been a little over a year since she'd hatched the brilliant idea of taking him hostage and ransoming him back to his employers. What a great fucking idea that had been. In that time she had gone from hating his guts and wanting to kill him, to…whatever the hell it was she felt about him right now. She had lost track of the number of times she had threatened to hurt him or pointed her guns at him. Now it was practically harmless bantering and he didn't even flinch anymore if she pointed a Cutlass in his direction. He just looked almost bored by it, like he was calling _'bullshit' _every time she did it.

Of all the fucking nerve.

If she were to tell the truth, and she wouldn't because she had no intention of ever talking about it if she could possibly help it, that day at the market still bothered her a lot. She really had nearly killed him. She had actually pulled the fucking trigger on him and tried to paint the market with his brains.

He didn't panic and run, but disarmed her instead. He had stood tall and shot right back at her, hitting her with words that tore into her worse than any bullet or knife ever had. She wasn't sure if it was because the things he said were true, or if it was because it was him that was saying it. Either way, he had very nearly accomplished something that no one else had since she came to this hell hole. He had very nearly made the great Revy Two Hands cry.

No…that wasn't completely accurate. He almost made her break and come apart right at the fucking seams. It had taken everything that she could muster at that moment to pull herself together and prevent a collapse that would have left her in a pathetic, shuddering heap on the ground. Somehow she managed to grab that turmoil by the throat and force it all back down inside of herself. A breakdown like that, especially out in public would have been the end for her. Every dickhead with a gun would have seen her as weak and would have come gunning for her, looking to make a name for themselves by turning her into a bullet riddled corpse that they could show off like a hunting trophy.

The other nagging part of the whole confrontation was the way he looked at how she had changed his life by bringing him here. It was just too fucking weird for her to wrap her head around. Someone like her, bringing someone like him to a shit hole like Roanapur and all of the crap that came with it, and he saw it as a positive, life changing experience. An awakening of sorts. He had said that she had shaken him awake.

Somewhere along the line from that point she had gone from wanting to kill him, to not wanting to see Roanapur infect him like it did everyone else. She had to grudgingly admit that Rock really was a good man, a genuine nice guy. She had been honestly worried about him when that stupid fucking Yakuza schoolgirl killed herself in front of them. She was afraid of what it might do to him and she watched him closely for weeks afterward to make sure he was alright.

It was during that time when she really began to think and to realize how he was able to get inside her armour and how he brought out that tiny little shred of humanity that she didn't know she still had. She thought about it a lot, too much as far as she was concerned, and at times she wanted to continuously bash her head against the wall until she stopped thinking about it. Sure enough though, she had tried to drown it with enough rum to float a small navy.

But instead, she slowly began to realize that it was okay for him to be that close and getting inside like that. She realized that she had come to trust him like she did no one else and at first that realization scared the hell out of her. Before long though she stopped worrying about it and just went with it. It was a lot easier that way than to continue beating her brains in thinking about it. It made her head hurt a lot less too.

It hadn't even really dawned on her just how much time the two of them spent in each other's company until this very night. Even if they were just hanging around home and the office, they tended to be together. Funny enough, a lot of that time was spent in her room.

On a lot of days, he was her alarm clock. Dutch and Benny had dumped that responsibility on him since he was the new guy and they had hoped to get a few laughs out of the chaos that had been sure to ensue. Much to their disappointment she had only threatened him with bodily harm the first couple of times. After that, it was no big deal to her.

It was normal now for him to politely knock and tell her that he was coming in, taking a quick peek first if he got no answer before quietly entering her room. After navigating the mess that was always strewn about her living space, he would watch her for a few seconds as she slept, no doubt thinking some corny shit about how peaceful or vulnerable she looked in her sleep, (and he did), before reaching over her to open the blinds.

She couldn't even say it was a bad thing for his face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up. She could sure as hell do a lot worse and she knew he would never try to do anything to her. If he had ever tried anything she would have beaten him to death for his trouble, then shot him for good measure.

He had woken her up like usual this morning, then they were off to make a delivery for Hotel Moscow, getting back into port in the early evening. A trip to the Yellow Flag was out because it was pissing rain so hard that you couldn't see more than a foot or two in front of you. Since they couldn't go out they grabbed some beers and went to her room as they often did, bantering back and forth about nothing in particular.

She had found herself in a particularly peaceful mood for some reason. It didn't happen often and she had never told any of her comrades but she actually relished those few occasions when it happened. She knew that she was one fucked up piece of work. Seriously fucked up at that, but even so that didn't mean that she could stand to be the hard core, two fisted bitch everyone else saw all of the time.

Usually for a short period of time before she went to sleep, if she wasn't so drunk that she just passed out, she could sometimes find a few moments of quiet peace. For that all too brief time the rest of the world went away and it was just her. No pain from her past, no lingering effects of the day, no one to bother her. It was quiet and just for those few short minutes, she let her guard down.

It was the way she had felt earlier in the evening. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was because the job had went off without a hitch for a change and there had been nothing to aggravate her. Maybe it was the sound of the rain easing her into a better mood. She had kept turning it over and over in her mind but the one thing that kept persistently popping up as the answer was Rock.

More and more lately she realized that as much as she could get frustrated at him for how he was able to get inside her guard, she also realized that his presence seemed to keep her on a more even keel. She calmed down faster and was a little slower to anger when he was around than when he wasn't and her moods didn't swing as wildly.

She couldn't pin down how they had ended up like this exactly. They had been talking and laughing and it actually felt really good. At any other time she would have manufactured a dozen things to find fault with or needled him mercilessly for his lame humour, but she didn't even feel the urge. It felt too good to laugh and she had even been smiling and she couldn't remember when the last time was that she had even felt anything close to what she was feeling at that moment.

At some point she had looked into his eyes and it was as if she was really doing so for the first time since she met him. There was no deceit or rage or bloodlust in them, no lies or desire to do harm. She felt uncharacteristically self conscious for a moment because he was looking right back into hers at the same time. For that brief moment in time she found herself paralyzed with fear because she knew that in her eyes he would see the exact opposite. She had feared that in that frozen moment where she actually felt something other than those traits that he would see so vividly in her eyes, things would suddenly come to a crashing end and he would walk away from her in disgust.

A sense of panic had begun to well up inside of her then. What the fuck was going on? What was she doing? Why the hell was she thinking like this? This wasn't her, she didn't get all mushy like this. It was like she was suddenly a stranger in her own skin. She had started to feel claustrophobic. He was too close! They were too close! She had to get some room, put some space between them before something happened.

Too late.

It was impossible to tell who initiated it or who moved first. It could have been just one of them or both of them at once. It really didn't matter anyway because neither of them even tried to pull away after their lips met with bruising force. Maybe it was just an against the odds moment where everything came together just right, or maybe that small piece of herself that he had salvaged took control and overrode her hidden fears and her outward anger and maliciousness. Whatever the cause, she hadn't been able to resist where it was taking her.

* * *

Body soaked in sweat, chest heaving as she tried to regain her breath, ears still ringing and throat scratchy from the long, screaming orgasm she just experienced that was still resonating through every nerve in her body. She was sore, and figured she would be walking a little funny the next day, but she also felt good. It was like every bit of stress she normally felt had been purged from her. She hadn't felt anything close to this good or relaxed in a long, long time. Sadly, she knew it wouldn't last.

Lying to her right, Rock was in much the same condition, trying to catch his breath. She was glad that it was him lying there. If she came to regret this later on she didn't want to be regretting the choice of man as well as the act itself. Though, she knew she wouldn't have done this with anyone else, because there was no one else. There was no one else in her life she would have ever trusted enough, or so naturally, to let them get this close to her.

So how did she really feel about this right now? She thought about that for moment and came to the sudden conclusion that she had absolutely no fucking idea.

It was such a foreign feeling to her that she wasn't sure if she was recognizing it for what it was, or mistaking it for something else. This feeling was completely alien and confusing to her and if it was what she was afraid it might be, then she was scared to death of it.

Damn it! She didn't need this complication in her life. Why did she have to feel like this? She _never_ felt like this. She wasn't fucking well _supposed_ to feel like this. She wanted to blame him for this but she knew that if she did then she was just being stupid and refusing to accept reality. She could have stopped it at any time if that had been what she really wanted.

But it hadn't been what she wanted. She wanted this to happen, wanted it badly if the way she had gotten so completely into it was any indication. She hadn't even thought about it beforehand. Not once. It had happened with such spontaneity that even she, as hard bitten and cynical as she was, couldn't help but think that maybe it had somehow been meant to happen. She didn't normally subscribe to that kind of sappy, melodramatic, movie of the week bullshit, but she was currently at a loss for any other way to explain it.

"Revy?" she heard him ask, his voice tinged with concern. Her breath caught in her throat as he reached over to her and gently thumbed the moisture off of her cheek. Fuck. He had seen the drying trail of tears that still stained her face. _Shit._

"I'm fine Rock," she managed to get out without her voice sounding _too_ shaky, but judging by the look on his face, her response had come out much harsher than what she intended.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, a familiar hint of worry in his voice.

"You do and I'll kick your ass," she growled. She took a deep breath and released it in a slow sigh. "No Rock," she said much more gently. "I don't want you to leave."

She scooted up the bed and sat with her back to the wall. Grabbing a pack of cigarettes from atop the old ammo crate that served as a bedside table, she shook out two, lit them and handed him one as he too sat up. After setting an ashtray down between them, she drew her knees up to her chest and leaned over with her arms across her knees and her chin resting on her arms. Her hair, which was out of its usual ponytail, was splayed out over her bare back and shoulders. It was clear that she was deep in thought, which wasn't a state most people would ever attribute to her. The only sound in the room was the slight crackle as they drew on their cigarettes and the rhythmic thrumming of the downpour outside.

It was safe to say that Rock was more than a little overwhelmed himself at this point. Not once in the time since he had first encountered Revy did he ever think he would be in her bed. Though, he had always thought she was a beautiful woman, even behind the scowl and the snarl and the fact that the first time they met she had stuck a gun in his face and had taken him hostage.

He had learned a great deal about her since then just by watching her and how she acted and reacted to things around her. It was the only way available to him really since she volunteered little about herself, especially her past. He had been stunned the first time that she had even mentioned her past to him. He had never seen such a look of despair and hurt on someone's face before in his life. The pain it caused her was obvious and it was also the only sign she ever gave, as small and deeply buried as it was, that she wished her life had been different. He wouldn't see something to match it again until the day of their confrontation in the market.

He had hoped that the incident between them on the submarine would have blown over in short order, but he had underestimated just how much he had angered her. The longer it went on the more it had pissed him off and he didn't want that tension between them anymore. Apparently neither did Dutch since he kept forcing them together and silently expecting them to work it out.

When he had stood up to her that day in the market and spoke the truth as he saw it, he had seen a lot of emotions flash across her face and through her eyes. The most prominent of course had been anger, coupled with the usual immaturity of her responses and attempts to lash back at him. As the confrontation went on, he also saw fear and panic. She hadn't been able to intimidate him and make him back down and the truth of his words were hitting her like a punch in the gut.

He hadn't liked doing that and he had hated seeing how badly the truth was hurting her and didn't like how close he had come to breaking her. It hadn't been his intent to push her to the edge like that, but he couldn't let her continue to treat him the way she had been either. It had been the only way to get through to her and the only way that he could make her understand.

Things got much better between them after that and he found himself gaining even more of an affinity for the fiery gunslinger. Part of it was because of what he told her in the market that day, that it was her that had shaken him awake from his mundane life of bowing and scraping to his bosses and the dull, lifeless future that lay in front of him.

That shaking awake hadn't been gentle. It had been frightening, life threatening, and had him on the edge of completely losing his sanity. Even so, he felt indebted to her nonetheless even if she did bring him into a more dangerous and deadly world than the one he had known. He didn't care. He felt alive and free, not like an indentured servant at the beck and call of his employers.

The other part of his strengthening affinity for her was much harder to explain. It wasn't until more recently that a blatant physical attraction to her had worked its way into his psyche. It almost seemed as if he was supposed to be here with her, and not in some ridiculously sappy 'they were destined to be together' shit either. It wasn't so much that it felt 'right' as much as it felt like it very much 'wasn't wrong.'

Truthfully, he was just plain confused by it all. Yes, she was very attractive and had a killer body, those were undeniable facts. Take away the bad attitude, the hard look that was always on her face, and the tightly coiled tension in her body and she would be even more so. But that wasn't how it was or who she was and there were other attributes that came to the fore and the truth wasn't always pleasant.

Revy was angry, violent, immature, and haunted by a horrible past. She had kidnapped him, shot at him, and had tried to kill him. She drank like a fish, smoked like a chimney, and swore like a sailor. She could make the confusion and horror of a gunfight look like a work of art with the way she moved through the blood and smoke and carnage with such fluidity and ease, grinning like a maniac all the while. She both awed him and scared the living hell out of him.

Yet despite all of it he still liked her. Quite a lot more than he even knew apparently, if their current situation was any indication.

He stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. He had never seen tears on her face before, not even when she was in physical pain, and it had him worried. She was so deep in thought right now that she seemed unaware of anything else, including the fact that her nearly spent cigarette was about to burn her fingers.

He butted his out and was about to warn her when she almost mechanically butted hers and set the ashtray back on the crate next to the bed. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again leaving a frustrated scowl in place as she resumed her previous pose.

The silence and lack of response from her was beginning to weigh on him. What was going on in her head right now? That wasn't a question many people actually wanted an answer to normally, but this was a much different situation than usual and he needed to know that she was alright. He knew that she wasn't good with emotions other than anger, and her aborted attempt to say something proved that she was having a great deal of trouble trying to express what she was feeling right now.

At least she hadn't defaulted into an angry outburst. Or shot him.

"Did you plan for any of this Rock, or did we just fall into it?" she asked him quietly, not looking at him.

Even though he had been wanting her to say something it had still surprised him when she finally did so. The lack of anger and recrimination in her voice was also surprising and somewhat of a relief. Though, her quiet tone was tinged with something closer to melancholy.

"I didn't plan anything Revy," he answered. "If I had it would have been like I was using you and I would never do that to you."

She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I know you wouldn't." She paused for a moment. "It's pretty fucked up isn't it? I brought you into my shitty little world at gunpoint. I yell at you, hit you, and generally fucking treat you like shit. Hell I even tried to kill you and you still fucking pretty much thanked me for bringing you into all of it. Now we end up in the sack together. Hollywood would love this shit."

"Do you regret this?" he asked, fearing the answer she would give.

She turned to look at him, her head still resting on her arms. "No," she answered quietly. "I don't."

He was a little bit puzzled. There was a slight, sad smile on her face, but maybe even more eye catching to him, was the look in her eyes. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. There was no anger there, but a lonely, weary sadness. Somehow it seemed like the most honest look he had ever seen her wear. It was also far from anything he expected.

"What about you Rock?" she asked him.

"No regrets here," he answered with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

She rolled her eyes. "Pretty soon your gonna say something mushy, I just fucking know it." She smiled a little at the deer in the headlights look that hit his face.

It was true. He was thinking about saying something, telling her how he felt about her. He was reticent for the obvious reasons, this was Revy after all and there was no way of telling how she was going to react. But there was also the way she was acting now, and the tears from earlier. It was so unlike her. Sighing in defeat he decided to just bite the bullet and admit to it.

"Am I that easy to read?"

She sat back up and leaned against the wall. "Rock, you're not the kind of guy who goes out looking for some tail just so you can get your rocks off. You want it to mean something. You can't shrug and say _'it's just sex'_, and go on your merry fucking way. That ain't you. If this hadn't meant something to you, you would have stopped it."

"It did mean something to me Revy," he told her, his tone serious. "It meant a lot because you mean a lot to me. Since we first met I've gone from not knowing if I should hate your guts or not, to knowing that I couldn't even if I wanted to. Despite all the shit that we've gone through and keep going through, I like being around you and I don't want to be anywhere else. I'm where I want to be and with who I want to be with."

He could see her lips start to quiver ever so slightly, and that melancholy look was re-establishing itself. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but he was committed now and he was going to finish what he had to say no matter what.

"Revy, I lo…"

He didn't get to finish as her right hand shot out towards him and he expected that her knuckles were about to reacquaint themselves with his face. What he wasn't expecting was for her to grab him by the back of the head and yank him over to her, her lips crushing into his. The kiss was full of desperation and he could feel her shaking.

She held him there as long as she could before she had to let him go and draw a breath. "Dumbass," she breathed a little raggedly as she lightly pushed him away. "Don't go saying shit like that to me. I don't even know what it means."

"Revy…"

"I'm serious Rock." The tone of her voice had hardened just enough to let him know that she was indeed serious, but there was also desperation and a little fearful quaver there as well. "I've got no fucking idea what it means to feel that way and no fucking idea what it's like to feel it from someone else." She went quiet for a moment but when she spoke again her voice was low. "I don't know a damn thing about it."

It was an awkward way of saying it, but he knew what she was getting at. Even without really knowing her past, it was evident that no one had ever given a damn about her, never loved her. She had never known what it was like or what it could be like.

"I'm serious too Revy," he told her. "I mean it."

She countered immediately. "You always fall for women who try to fucking kill you?" She meant to make it sound like a joke, something to pull her back from the brink, but the uncontrollable tremor in her voice killed the smart ass tone she had been trying for.

"No, just you Revy," he managed with a straight face, trying to help her lighten the moment.

Despite herself, a short bark of laughter escaped her lips but that was all. She shifted position again, drawing her knees up to prop her elbows on them. She laced her fingers into her hair, holding her head. The look on her face was all too similar to the one that day in the market when she had very nearly broken down. He was worried that his confession, or attempt at it anyway, had pushed her too far.

"How can you have feelings like that for me Rock? What have I got to offer you in return? Just more blood and maybe an early fucking grave. You deserve better than that. You know what I am, you see it every god damned day. It's all I fucking know how to be. So why me Rock?"

"Why not you Revy?" he countered. "Do you think that you don't deserve to have someone give a shit about you because of the way your life turned out?"

"Fuck that," she groaned. "I gave up that self pity shit that day in the market."

He decided to change tactics a bit. "You said before that I wouldn't have let this happen if it hadn't meant something to me." Her eyes shifted to glance at him. By the look in them, she knew what was coming next. "So what about you Revy? Did it mean anything to you, or was it just sex?"

Her first instinct was to yell at him, to tell him that's all that it was, just a good, screaming romp in the sack and to fuck with all of this other mushy, melodramatic shit. It would sure as hell be the easy way out, she wouldn't have to be struggling to keep herself together and try to come to terms with everything that was flying through her mind right now at a hundred miles an hour.

But she couldn't do that. It would hurt him and she knew that there was no god damned way in hell that she could do that to him. He deserved the truth. He deserved to know how she felt about him, but she didn't know if she could manage to spit that out. Especially when she was so confused about what she was feeling. It was just too foreign to her and she couldn't grasp it. She felt like someone else had hijacked her brain and she wasn't in control anymore.

"It wasn't just sex Rock," she managed in a barely audible rasp. Her body began to shake harder and a choked sob escaped her trembling lips. "Goddamn it!" she swore. "I don't know what the fuck this feeling is! I don't know the words for it!" She was nearly hyperventilating now. "Fuck! I don't…I don't know what…."

She never got to finish. Before she knew what was happening, Rock had turned towards her and had gotten up onto his knees, sweeping her up into his arms as he moved. Wide eyed, her head was now looking over his left shoulder and her arms hung limply over his as they encircled her, holding her close to his chest. She wanted to fight, she wanted to scream and struggle and hit him and tear herself out of his arms and get away as fast as she could, but she couldn't move. She suddenly realized with shocking clarity why that was. His hold wasn't that tight, she could have broken away easily. No, the reason she couldn't move and run away was a very simple one. It was because she didn't want to.

He wasn't trying to restrain her or keep her from running. He was trying to comfort her, trying to show her that someone actually did give a damn about her. It was as foreign to her as the feelings that were raging through her heart. She had never been held like this, never been held by someone who said they loved her and who truly wanted to be with her despite her being the blackened and bloody thing that she was.

Her breathing was ragged and the tears streamed from her eyes, rolling down her face and dripping off her chin and onto his shoulder and back. The feelings that she couldn't put words to or even begin to explain continued to swirl and twist inside of her. She felt like she was cracking and breaking apart, that she was about to shatter and fly in a hundred directions at once. The pressure was awful and she was trying as hard as she could to contain it.

"It's alright Revy," he spoke, his calm voice soothing and gentle in her ear. "You don't have to say anything. And I'm sorry for causing you all this trouble, but I really do love you and I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. You can even beat me up later if you want to. But right now, if you want to cry, that's okay too. Nobody but us will ever know about it."

Despite herself, she did just that. With her arms wrapped tightly around him, her face buried in his shoulder and raggedly screaming, Revy the Two Hands, one of the most feared people in this city of shit and sin, cried her heart out. A damn burst of emotions from this night and a lifetime of pain spilled out of her soul in a raging torrent. His arms tightened around her and he whispered in her ear, encouraging her to let it all go, telling her that she was not weak for it and that this would only make her stronger in the end.

She only spoke once the whole while, the words little more than tear soaked sobs and almost indecipherable even to her. She may not have even known what she was saying, but it didn't matter, he heard them none the less.

"Don't let go," she pleaded desperately. "Please don't let go Rock."

"I won't let go Revy," he assured her. "I won't ever let go."

* * *

It was better than a full half hour later before the tears had finally stopped completely. He was sitting up against the wall at the head of the bed, Revy in front of him and still held in his arms. Her head was laying against his left shoulder and her eyes were half open. She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't really awake either. She was in a fog somewhere in between.

He had never seen a human being cry so hard or for so long. Every tear that she had never allowed herself to shed over the course of her pain and misery filled life must have come out of her as he held her. He knew very little of her past and what she must have gone through, but for her to cry like that, then that well of despair within her must have been very deep indeed.

'_Don't let go! Please don't let go Rock!'_

Those so utterly desperate and pain filled words had burned themselves into his mind and were so uncharacteristic of the Revy everyone knew. The despair in her voice, the fear that he would let go of her was like a living thing, a dark creature trying to latch onto her and pull her further down into her darkness.

'_I won't let go Revy. I won't ever let go.'_

And he wouldn't. Not for anything or anybody. He would stand by her even if she ultimately rejected his feelings for her. He would be there for her like no one else ever had been, simply because he loved her.

He was worried though. She had cried so hard and so long, and then when she finally calmed down she had gone into this 'not quite there' state. Her half open eyes had a blank look in them and her face was slack and expressionless. It was like every ounce of energy had been drained out of her soul. If it wasn't for the fact that he could feel that she was breathing by the light exhalations that gently brushed across his skin, he would think that she was dead.

His worry overtook the desire to just let her rest for a while. He brought his hand up and cupped her cheek, thumbing away some remaining moisture and tilting her head up so his eyes met hers.

"Revy," he called softly, getting no response. "C'mon, you're scaring the shit out of me here."

It took a moment, just long enough to make him worry that something had really seriously gone wrong with her, but she finally began to come around. Her eyes closed and she took a couple of deeper, shuddering breaths, before opening her eyes again. The blank look was finally gone but it was replaced by a look of weariness. She was utterly worn out.

She reached up and grasped his hand, pulling it away from her face, but she didn't let it go. "Hn, not so fucking tough now am I?" Her voice was ragged and raspy.

"You're as tough as ever Revy," he assured her.

"Yeah, I really look the fucking part," she smirked. There was no heat behind her comment. "Naked and crying. Now that's tough."

He gave her hand a squeeze by way of answering her. They remained quiet for a couple of minutes before she spoke again. She was looking down and away from him, her usual pose when saying something that was uncomfortably emotional for her.

"There are a lot of things I want to say to you Rock," she said. "But I can't put what I feel into words. I don't know how. Even if I could I don't know if I can even get the words out of my damn mouth."

"You don't have to say anything right now Revy. This all just kind of came out of nowhere and I know it's a lot for you to deal with." He did the sappy thing and placed a light kiss on her forehead. Surprisingly she didn't call him out on it or cuff him one. "Take your time and figure out how you feel. I'll still be here when you do. I'm not going anywhere."

She let out a sigh. "You know don't ya Rock, that I can't be the girl who's gonna walk down the street holding your hand, or hanging off your arm with her head on your shoulder. I'm all gunpowder and blood, I'm not some soft little cutie you picked up for the friggin' prom."

"No, you're not," he agreed with a grin. "You're hard and you're beautiful and that's who I fell for."

"Beautiful huh?" she smirked. "I think you need glasses Rock."

"There's nothing wrong with these eyes Revy, I'm seeing twenty-twenty."

"You're so fucking cheesy," she admonished with a bit of a smile. She decided that it was okay if he was. It wouldn't be him if he wasn't.

They sat there in silence again for a while, just listening to the sound of the rain. He knew that she was working up to something, she had that look on her face that she gets when she's in serious thought. Her brow would scrunch a little and she always looked downward as if concentrating on some spot on the floor that only she could see. In a way it was kind of cute actually, though he wasn't about to risk his luck and tell her.

"Rock?" she spoke finally, still not looking him in the eye. "Would it bother you if I wanted to keep all of this to ourselves? To keep it all here in this room?"

He thought about it for a moment. He wasn't quite sure where she was going with this, and she must have sensed that because she spoke again rather quickly.

"I don't really know what this is yet Rock, but I want to keep it clean. I don't want the shit out in this fucked up city getting into it."

Most people still would have been a little cloudy about what she meant, but he understood Revy. She didn't want Roanapur to taint what happened here tonight the way it tainted and stained everything else. She may not be certain of what she was feeling or how to say it, but it was clear that she wanted to keep this close to her, like having a secret that no one else had, or having a special possession that meant everything to you and no one else knew you had it.

It was clear to him now that even if she wasn't sure what this was, or how she felt or even how to express that, it really did mean something to her and she wanted to be selfish with it. That was fine by him.

"If you want it to stay in this room that's fine with me Revy. Kind of like a sanctuary no one else can go into."

He was being cheesy again but she was relieved that he didn't say no. "Outside, we act like we always do, but in here we can be like this if we want to. In here is just for us." He gave her a bit of a knowing grin. _'Aw Christ, now he's got me talking fucking cheesy shit!'_ she thought. _'Did I really just fucking say that?'_

"So does that mean then that you aren't going to tell Eda that we had sex?" He couldn't resist that tease. Underneath his embarrassment, he had always laughed to himself whenever Eda would ask her if they had done it yet and Revy would get all flustered by it.

"Fuck no!" she exclaimed. "I'm gonna rub it in her face so bad that blonde bitch'll run off crying and wanna become a real fucking nun!"

They had a good laugh over that and it was good to see her mood lighten up again. Once the laughter died down he grabbed the ashtray and the pack of smokes from the bedside table and lit a couple for them. He began to chuckle again at one point.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Well," he began, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Whenever I though about telling you how I felt I was afraid you might shoot me."

"Fuck off," she snarled half heartedly and with a tired grin as she gave him a light shove. "I've wasted enough fucking bullets on that. I was never able to hit you anyway. It's like you're fucking blessed or some shit."

He resisted the urge to say something else that would have topped the rest of his cheesy lines altogether as they shared a chuckle. As for Revy, she was admitting to herself what a good damn thing it was that she hadn't been able to hit him, and how glad she actually was for it.

A little more than a year ago, she had been way too close to going over the edge. She was too wild and nearly out of control. She was barely human anymore and her actions after she and Rock had their little chat in the submarine proved that, with Dutch nearly having to put her down like a rabid dog.

That day in the market when it all came to a head, that had been when Rock had shaken _her_ awake. That was when she took her first step back from the edge and over the months that followed she and Rock had become almost inseparable without even really realizing it. At least she hadn't. All she knew was that she wasn't entirely comfortable on a job anymore if they weren't teamed up. Hell, a trip to the Yellow Flag didn't even seem right if they weren't there together.

She didn't want to consider where she would be now or what would have become of her if she had succeeded in killing him that day.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she tried, and failed, to stifle a massive yawn. She suddenly realized just how wiped out she felt from her earlier emotional outburst.

"Damn," she groused as she stubbed out her cigarette. "I can barely keep my eyes open now."

Rock killed his smoke as well. "Why don't you go have a shower," he suggested. "While you're in there I'll change your sheets before I go."

"Deal," she said as she slowly untangled herself from him and shuffled over to her dresser, digging some clean underwear out of a drawer and grabbing a towel from the small cabinet next to the dresser. He climbed off the bed as well and retrieved his boxers and slacks from the floor and put them back on.

"Rock," she began, getting his attention as he was starting to strip the sheets from her bed. He turned to see her standing in the bathroom doorway. Again, she was looking down and away so she didn't meet his eyes.

"Thanks," she said quietly. "Thanks for not letting go." She stepped into the bathroom and softly shut the door.

"I won't ever let go Revy," he said, not knowing if she would hear him. "I promise. And I'm not going anywhere. When you figure this out and find the words, I'll still be here."

* * *

She just stood there with her back against the door until she heard him finish with the bed and leave. She had indeed heard what he said, and every word was doing laps around her brain the whole time she stood there.

Finally, she turned the shower on and stood under the hot, steaming spray. Hands against the wall for support, she leaned forward, letting the hot water cascade over her head and neck and down her back. For a brief moment she let herself think back to what it had felt like to have sex with him. A tingle went through her as she remembered how it felt for him to touch and taste her. How it felt to have him inside of her. Even as distracted by her thoughts as she had been, it had felt great to just let go like that.

Too soon though, the more pressing questions returned to her mind. What did she feel for him? Did she love him? She ground her teeth in frustration. It pissed her off. Why was it so hard to get a handle on what she was feeling? Was it supposed to be this fucking hard?

Guns and blood and killing, that she understood. She had a fucking PhD in that shit and really, that was the god-damned problem.

That was all that she knew.

She didn't know what it felt like to be in love. She didn't know what it felt like to be loved by someone. She hadn't known even the smallest taste of it until tonight. She hadn't cried in front of anyone, not for any reason, since she had been a snot nosed little brat back on Mott Street.

But when she not only cried tonight, but nearly shattered and broke into pieces, he didn't turn her away or tell her she was weak. He held her and told her it was okay and encouraged her to let it all go. And she did. Instead of pushing him away from her, yelling at him, and most likely hitting him, she had clung to him for dear life and let loose the flood of pain she had been holding back for her entire life.

The bottom line was that Rock accepted her and loved her for who she was, bad points and all. Which was good she supposed because she didn't have many good points and she held no illusions about that. He loved her, and his heart was there for the taking if she wanted it. But the other question that plagued her was, if she was indeed in love with him, could she return the feelings? Was she even capable of doing so?

Could she risk it? Could she give her heart to him? Did she even still have one? Was there even enough of her heart left to give to him, or was it blackened and dead and nothing more than a withered husk?

No, there was something left there. He had saved it, his presence in her life had drawn her back from the total blackness of the abyss that she had been gleefully rushing headlong towards. He had saved her then and he had saved her again tonight when she nearly broke. Hell, he had been saving her all along.

Christ, an overpriced shrink would likely tell her that taking him hostage in the first place had been a cry for help, that she had been waiting for a white knight to ride up and save her from the dragon that was trying to devour her, or some such shit.

She allowed herself an amused smile. Fuck that fairy tale bullshit. Her knight hadn't shown up wearing a suit of shining armour, but a white shirt and a tie.

She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind, letting the sound of the water and the soothing heat relax her. She soon found herself thinking about how she felt when she was around Rock. His annoying habit of getting kidnapped by the enemy aside, she actually liked being around him. She realized that she didn't feel lonely when she was around him. It didn't matter if it was a job on the boat, making the rounds of their clients in Roanapur, or going out drinking, it was always better if they were doing it together. It was like something had been missing before but she hadn't even realized it until he came along.

And she even had to admit that she really did worry about him when the shit got ugly. Okay, and she got defensive when some woman would try to come onto him. Especially Eda. She had kept telling herself that it was because she didn't want to see some bitch take advantage of him, but, like a bolt out of the blue, she saw it now for what it was. It was just an excuse to keep herself from admitting that she liked him and that seeing him with someone else would be like getting shot in the guts and being left to slowly die in the gutter.

Her mind went back to the reason she had been crying and clinging to him so hard when they were having sex. She was just as afraid to have him as she was to lose him, to lose someone she hadn't even realized that she already had within arms reach if that was what she really wanted. Even with what came after, she still felt that fear of having him and the fear of losing him.

"Maybe I really am in love with him," she whispered to herself. She sighed loudly. She still didn't know and she was getting a headache from all this heavy thinking. His words from just a few minutes ago played back in her mind.

'_I won't ever let go Revy. I promise. And I'm not going anywhere. When you figure this out and find the words, I'll still be here.'_

"Even if I can't figure this out and even if I can't say the words, just don't let go of me Rock," she whispered, her voice carrying a slight, ragged edge. "Because damn it, I don't think I could make it now if you did."

She would trust Rock at his word.

He said he would never let go.

Somehow, she just knew that he never would.

* * *

AN: Well, what did you think?

I probably got more enjoyment out of the writing process on this story than on any of the others I've done so far. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

So, please leave a review if you are so inclined (and hopefully you will be because I really would like to see your feedback for this story), and while you're hanging around why not check out some of my other stories. You know how to find them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Black Lagoon. Rei Hiroe created that world, I'm just playing in it and trying not to get shot.

When I wrote chapter one I wasn't fully intending to do a second. The possibility was there, but it wasn't a priority. After a really slow start as far as reader response, I definitely wasn't going to do a second chapter. Then the thing went freaking nuts. The response after that first month of almost nothing was fantastic and the idea of doing a second chapter firmly implanted itself in my mind.

But that presented its own problem. How the hell was I going to do a second chapter that would live up to the response I got for the first one? I put a lot into that first one and wasn't sure if I had enough left to do a second. Chapter one can stand all on its own, but here is the second and final chapter.

I think it's good, but I don't know if it's as good as the first one. That will be up to you to decide. At the very least I hope it's a fitting companion for chapter one.

So enjoy and let me know what you think, I expect to see lots of reviews from you all.

As usual, flamers will be treated like the brain dead squirrels we all know them to be.

* * *

**Don't Let Go**

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Three Months Later: The Yellow Flag Bar**_

Seeing Revy sitting on a stool at the bar was not an uncommon sight, not even if it was in the middle of the afternoon. Seeing her sitting there by herself without any of her companions from the Lagoon Company was pretty rare. Seeing her there without Rock specifically was almost unheard of and was possibly a sign of the coming apocalypse.

Her mood however, was not so far out of the ordinary.

Surly was a state of being for Revy and everyone knew it. If she was _just_ surly that was considered to be a good day. The look on her face right now though was something more than surly, but no one present could exactly identify what it was. It looked almost as if she was both _very_ pissed off and deep in thought and there wasn't a person alive in Roanapur that wanted to be anywhere close to Two Hands with a look like that on her face. Especially not if she had a drink in her hand too.

And there was another significant peculiarity. While she was drinking, she wasn't slamming them back like she did when she and Rock were trying to drink each other under the bar. In two hours time she hadn't even consumed half the bottle yet.

Quite frankly, that, combined with the look on her face and how deeply engrossed in her thoughts she seemed to be, had Bao scared absolutely shitless. So much so that he didn't issue his usual warnings about making sure she didn't destroy his bar…again, and he gave her the bottle of rum for free. So long as things stayed quiet and destruction free it was a worthwhile investment as far as he was concerned.

It had not been a particularly good day as far as Revy was concerned. The early wake up call had been bad enough, though she could think of far worse ways to get up than having Rock gently shake her awake and offer a smoke and a fresh, hot cup of coffee.

The job should have been a cake walk. A two hour trip up the coast to exchange a briefcase for a briefcase for Balalaika. They didn't know if they were carrying the goods or the payment, but it didn't matter to them either way. She and Rock had gone into the decrepit dockside warehouse for the exchange while Dutch and his shotgun stood ready at the dock to back them up, and Benny kept his electronic eyes and ears ready and searching for signs of trouble.

The body language of the guy they were to make the exchange with and that of his goon squad set alarm bells off in her head right from the start and she was happy to see Rock come to the same conclusion shortly after she did. She was proud of the dumbass. His instincts were getting better and when the shit hit the fan he got out of her way and let her do what she did oh so well.

At least, that's what he usually did and she thought he had done so this time too. When they got out of the building and back to the boat she discovered that the fucker was carrying both of the briefcases from the exchange and was bleeding heavily from a serious graze to the left side. A couple of inches to his right and it would have taken out his heart. Instead of bailing the fuck out like he was supposed to, the stupid son of a bitch had stuck around and snatched both cases during the firefight and nearly got his god damned ticket punched for his trouble.

While Benny was patching him up on their way home, she stood there and stared at him, fuming until Benny was done. Then she reminded him, with a punch in the mouth and a fistful of his shirt and tie that _'when the fucking shit starts, your fucking job is to get the fuck out of the way and let me fucking work!' _She couldn't be worried about having friendlies in the killing box no matter who they were, and especially not some _'stupid fucking Japanese salary man armed with nothing but good intentions and his fucking necktie!'_

Shaking with rage and some other emotion she wasn't interested in trying to identify at the moment, she had stormed out and went up on deck. She stayed there for the rest of the trip home, hoping that the warm wind and smell of the sea would calm her down. It didn't entirely work since it took her half the trip back to restrain herself from going back below and beating the shit out of him, and the other half angrily wondering why in the fuck he would do something so frigging stupid.

Sure, it was nice that big sis had been very pleased that they had still managed to bring back the goods despite the double cross, so pleased I fact that she even let them keep the payoff money as a bonus for their trouble. Christ, at one point she thought Balalaika was going to come around the desk and kiss the dumb fuck. She had no idea what was in that case, and she really didn't want to know, especially if it made the Russian mob boss that fucking happy. And it seemed that they had gained even more favour in her eyes, which could only be good for business.

Still, that didn't ease her anger at Rock for risking his scrawny ass like that and she wasn't about to get over it or let him forget about it any time soon.

By the time they got back to the office she needed to get out and get away from everyone, and especially from Rock. She loudly told them she was going to the Yellow Flag, _alone_, and that she did not want any fucking company.

For the whole trip there and after she took up residence on her barstool, she found her mind filled with the same thoughts that had been hammering away at her for the last three months, only now they came with a greater intensity and that was just as troubling.

Ever since _that_ night, her thoughts had been greatly preoccupied with her feelings for Rock, trying to decipher what they were and what they meant. At first her thoughts had been too chaotic to come to any conclusions or realizations. The whole idea that someone actually loved her was just too hard for her to wrap her head around.

_Her._ Rock loved _her_. Why her of all people?

She doubted his attraction to her was because she was his type, unless his type happened to be tattooed, violent women who had tried to kill him. Despite his claim that her 'shaking him awake' had been a good thing, she knew that she had never done a single damn thing that would be considered positive to gain his notice. Actually she had given him every reason to hate and despise her, and that's what had her so fucking confused about it.

It had taken her a long time to stop wondering about that and just accept it, though the question still nibbled away at her at times. She came to realize that it had also been a way for her to avoid the more pressing question of how she felt about him.

She asked herself that question again as she poured another drink. For starters she knew that she liked being around him, that anything she went out to do was a lot better if it was the two of them. Even now a part of her wished that he was here with her, drinking and telling bad jokes, even though she was really fucking pissed at him right now.

He had pulled her back from the brink and his presence kept her with a more level head. She spoke better now and actually thought a little more at times before she shot her mouth off. Not always, but sometimes. He had taken some of the stress and the tension out of her and he made her think about herself and her life without all the self pity and anger that used to eat away at her so much in that regard.

She wasn't sure if that was really so good because without the self pity and anger there was a lot more room for regrets to creep in, but she supposed that they had been there all along too and she hadn't realized it.

She liked that he had some backbone to go with those words that always seemed to flow so easily out of his mouth. With it, he had earned the respect of people like Dutch and Yolanda and Chang and even Balalaika for fuck sake. And she had to admit he had even earned her respect too.

Though she'd respect him even more if he'd wear that Hawaiian shirt she bought him. It wasn't even some cheap rag either, she had actually spent good money on that damn it!

She snickered to herself and everyone in the bar edged as far away from her as they could without actually getting up and leaving their drinks behind. That shirt had become like a running gag between them and even though it used to piss her off, she had actually grown fond of the back and forth. It always seemed to break the tension when they were headed out for a job and everyone always got a chuckle out of it.

She doubted he would wear it anytime soon, and especially not to work. His shirt and tie had become his personal uniform just like her cut offs and tank tops. At least hers was a concession to the heat, she had no idea how he could stand to wear a dress shirt, tie, and slacks in Roanapur's heat and humidity.

That brought up something else she liked about him. Despite how much skin she had on display all the time he never stared at her, his eyes never held the undisguised lust she saw from others who were stupid enough to gawk like she was some easy piece of street meat they could yank into the nearest alley and bang away at. Her glare and her guns killed that notion real quick.

That was why even before that first night together she hadn't had a problem with him coming into her room to wake her up, or hanging around talking to her while she worked out and then showered. Even when she stood before him in nothing but panties and a towel draped over her shoulders, he didn't stare, hadn't even stolen a glance as far as she knew.

He also never tried to take advantage of her when she was drunk off her ass, something he could have done at any time considering how many times he had had to put her drunken ass to bed. Didn't even so much as touch her somewhere he shouldn't. He could have claimed it was an accident, or that he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing, and most of the time she would have been too pissed up to stop him if he had tried anything.

But he never had and she knew that it wasn't because he was afraid that she'd kill him if he did. It was just who he was. He didn't look at any woman like that, not even that cheap floozy fake nun who kept trying to push her tits in his face while they sat at the bar.

She drained her glass and refilled it. It was all starting to come together in her head now. Christ she was such a fucking idiot, why hadn't she been able to see this and put things together before? All of this, and that wasn't even taking into account anything that had happened since they spent their first night together.

True to his word, everything that happened between them in the sanctuary of her room stayed there. There were no public displays of affection, or sappy comments, and he didn't go bragging to anyone. They went on jobs and argued and carried on like usual, keeping everything else shut away in that room until the next time they got together.

And that time in the room had come to mean lot to her, some of the best moments in her life actually, which just illustrated how few good moments there had been. At times they just talked and got to know each other better through civil conversation. She surprised herself by even being able to have such a conversation with someone but it just seemed so easy to talk that way with Rock.

Maybe it was because he listened and actually gave a shit about her opinion on things and what she was thinking, and she had to admit that having to actually think about what she thought about the many different things they talked about was actually good for her. She found herself better able to think on her feet without relying on just reacting to things all the time.

He had told her about his life growing up in Japan, about his family and how he had never quite been able to live up to their expectations for him. She had heard some of it before but during their talks he filled in a lot of the blanks. She hadn't been able to return the favour though. She did tell him a few things that skirted around the edges of her earlier life, but she wasn't ready to go deeper just yet.

Besides just being painful to relive, she had finally admitted to herself that there was a part of her that was scared to tell him. He had already seen enough ugliness from her and she was afraid of what he would think or do if she told him everything about herself. She didn't want to risk driving away the best thing that had ever come into her life.

Besides the talks, there was a lot of teasing, joking, and outright bullshitting that left them aching from laughter, which was something she had come to realize she desperately needed in her life. They also plotted on how far and how long they could string Eda along before she finally told her that she and Rock had indeed done the deed. And how much she should tell her in order to twist the knife just a little.

Then there was the sex itself. She hadn't been some untainted flower when they did it the first time, but none of her other experiences had been too fucking memorable either. Or enjoyable. Hell, prison sex had been better than her other few experiences and she had only done that as a matter of survival.

With Rock, it was another thing entirely. It was good….okay, it was _really_ fucking good and the god damn salary man had her seeing stars and nearly blacking out _every fucking time_, he made her go off so hard. Didn't matter if they made love slowly or fucked like animals she still ended up in outer fucking space.

And he had proven to her that talking wasn't the only skill that tongue of his was capable of. She fidgeted on her stool and re-crossed her legs. Gawd _damn_, just thinking about it was enough to send an electric shiver through her. She tossed back another drink, letting the smooth heat of the rum sliding down her throat distract her from that particular and rather arousing thought.

With him she had something that she knew other women would kill for, a man who took his time and looked after his lover's needs before his own. She used to think that was just some load of romantic movie bullshit. Nobody truly gave a shit about anyone else, it was just _'wham, bam, fuck you ma'am, now get the fuck out bitch!' _

But Rock had once again proven her wrong in that regard. Over the last three months she had really begun to feel it in the way he touched her, the way he pleased her and the way he made her feel oh so _fucking_ good. His physical actions were backing up the words that came out of his mouth. Every word and every touch backed each other up. He really did love her, he really did think she was beautiful, and he really did care about her.

It went against everything she had ever seen or experienced in her own life. It went against everything she ever believed she could feel or know and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she never wanted it to stop. She had been slowly learning to let her guard down when they were together and allowing herself to start feeling things she had never felt before.

She trusted him that damn much and she didn't trust anyone easily if at all. But it just felt natural somehow to trust him and she'd be damned if she could explain it any other way. She just _knew_ that he would never take advantage of her, never betray her, never use her and throw her away.

It was just like he said. He would never let go of her. He would be there to hold her together when she began to fall apart and he would never think less of her when she did.

She sighed and allowed herself a slight smile. He had been waiting patiently for the last three months for her to figure things out, never once pushing her along or demanding an answer from her. Knowing him, he never would either, damn guy would just leave himself hanging there forever if he had to. She knew she could never be that patient.

'_He's a damn fool,'_ she thought. _'But he's my damn fool and that's just the way he is.'_

She was pretty sure now of what she was feeling. It was still alien and unfamiliar to her, and maybe even kind of scary if she were to be completely honest about it, but the heavy weight of what she had been struggling with for the last three months was falling away and leaving something lighter in its place.

But before she could say anything to him, before she could tell him how she felt, there was something she was going to have to make absolutely, crystal fucking clear to him.

* * *

No one knew what to expect when they heard the heavy clomping sound of Revy's boots hitting the stairs three hours after she left. Dutch, Benny, and Rock were sitting around the coffee table having a drink and discussing how to split up the extra money Balalaika had given them for the day's job when they heard her return.

Thing's got very quiet and they all seemed to be holding their breath. They all jumped a little when the door swung open and banged against the wall, and they stayed very still as she looked around and spotted her prey. She tromped over to Rock, grabbed him by his tie, and hauled him out of the chair and down the hall towards her room.

"We're gonna have a little fucking chat Rock," she informed him in a very no nonsense tone of voice.

As her door slammed shut, Dutch and Benny were up and gone, heading for safer territory.

Perhaps a cruise around the harbour would be nice this evening.

* * *

Rock didn't even get a chance to speak before she had him spun around and slammed up against her door, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Her left hand held a fistful of his shirt and tie that along with the angry, intense look in her eyes kept him pressed in place.

"Let me make something perfectly fucking clear to you Rock," she snarled.

She slapped her right hand over his wound, digging her fingers in around it. He yelped in pain and instinctively tried to break away from her but her grip was like iron and kept him held in place.

"This shit will not fucking happen again!" she yelled. "When the shooting starts you get the fuck down, you get the fuck out, or you go dig yourself a fucking hole and pull it in after you…I don't fucking care!" She put more pressure on his wound. "What you don't fucking do is stick around and do stupid ass shit like you did today! You get the hell out of Dodge and you fucking wait for me!"

She was breathing hard and her eyes continued to bore into his, making sure he got the message. A few seconds later the piercing look of anger started to morph into something a little closer to fear and desperation. Her right hand let go of his wound and while her left arm relaxed a little, she still kept him held firmly in place.

"Do you hear me…fucker?" the slight tremulous rasp in her voice echoing the look in her eyes. "Do you hear what I'm fucking saying?"

"I hear you Revy," he rasped through the pain throbbing into his brain from his aggravated wound. "I hear you."

"Good."

She took a step back and pulled, hauling him by his tie and pretty much throwing him at the bed, where he landed with an 'oomph' and a grimace as he jarred his already aching wound. He rolled over and looked to her, seeing that she still had her back to him, her hands were down at her sides and her head tilted to look down at the floor.

"That could have been my bullet just as easily as it could have been one of theirs," she said quietly. "You know that right?"

He did not miss the unspoken meaning behind what she said. "Yeah, I know," he answered quietly. "I'm sorr..."

"Don't!" she barked. "Don't fucking apologize!" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Just…just don't put either of us in that position again."

He could swear that he saw her shaking a little as she stood there with her back to him. She hadn't said so but he could see it in her body language and he had caught the hidden meaning of her words. He had scared the shit out of her. He had seen the panicked widening of her eyes when she first saw the blood on his shirt before her anger took over.

His jaw was still sore and the heat of her words still stung, though he should have been used to it. And now thanks to this most recent tirade, his side hurt like hell. But he probably felt worse inside for what he could see her going through right now. He had acted impulsively, gotten hurt, and had hurt her in the process. He really did want to tell her he was sorry, and he was, but if he tried again she might just knock him out this time.

She kicked off her boots and slipped out of her shoulder holsters, tossing the rig to land with a heavy thud at the base of the old ammo crate she used for a nightstand.

"You made me a promise Rock," she reminded him.

She undid her ponytail and tossed the tie on the crate. Next came her tank top which she tossed haphazardly toward the dresser as she turned and stepped toward him. With her left hand she snagged his tie again but this time only pulled enough to lead him to get to his feet.

"You said you would never let go."

She loosened his tie and undid the buttons of his shirt and helped him out of it. She let her fingers trace lightly around his bandaged wound, a stark contrast to her earlier contact and a gentleness that actually shocked him.

"But how are you going to do that if you get your dumb ass killed?" There was no heat in her words, just a softly spoken question.

She looked into his eyes, she could see the need to apologize lingering there, could see the concern there for how his actions had affected her. She couldn't let him say it yet, she was still too close to pissed off and the words would only set her off again. She would let him say it later, maybe, once he fully understood how hard it had hit her, and once she was in the mood to hear it.

"The fuck of it is Rock, that this made everything crystal fucking clear for me," she explained. "Three months of banging my fucking head off the wall trying to figure all of this out and it all comes to a fucking head because you get your skinny ass shot."

"Revy…" he began.

She shook her head. "Don't say anything Rock."

She kissed him, long and hard, pushing herself into him until they fell on the bed. There was something different about the way she was kissing him, it was as plain as day to him. Kissing her was never a cold, lifeless experience, but there was always something remotely distant and reserved about it, like a part of her was always missing from the act.

That part was there now. There was life, warmth, and true feeling in this devouring kiss. Something alive and hungry and filled with a need that had just awakened and was desperate for this feeling.

She finally pulled herself away and rose up so she could look into his eyes. He noticed something there that had been missing before, a certain gleam. There had always been a certain 'dead' quality in her eyes, a shadow of her view of her life and all that she had been through. It was gone now.

"You said that when I figured this out and found the words, that you'd still be here," she reminded him. She smirked. "Took me fucking long enough but I did finally figure it out. And despite your fucking stupidity, you are still here to hear about it."

"You're not going to forgive me for getting shot are you?" he asked, pretty much already knowing the answer.

"Not for a long fucking time Rock." She closed her eyes for a second. "Freaked me out you bastard. That's a hell of a way to make someone figure out that they love you."

She could feel the hitch in his breathing at the same moment she realized what she said. That wasn't how she had planned to tell him, well that was bullshit actually, she had been winging it the whole way and hadn't really known exactly how she was going to say it. To her credit though, she opened her eyes, looked directly into his, and quietly, almost shyly (at least for her), confirmed it.

"…I love you Rock."

It took everything she had to say it and it surprised the hell out of her that the words actually didn't sound stupid to her own ears as they came out of her mouth. As a matter of fact, they sounded like the truest and most necessary thing she had ever said in her entire life.

He smiled at her. "I love you too Revy."

"Didn't think I'd ever know what this felt like," she breathed in wonderment as an unexpected surge of positive emotions rushed through her.

She felt almost like she had left her body, or like something had washed over her that had stripped away the weight of everything negative in her life. She was beginning to understand now, she was starting to get what it was that she had been feeling from him ever since that first night when he said that he loved her, when he held her as she broke. As soon as the words had left her mouth it was like everything fell together and into place.

She had opened her heart, her blackened, empty, lonely heart, and she had finally let him in. It was the best feeling she had ever had in her life. She had felt for so long now that she was just one of the walking dead, a cold, animated corpse waiting for the end to find and claim her, that she had dismissed the possibility of anything else.

Now she was staring to feel alive, warm, and if the end tried to come and claim her now she would kick its ass, fight it tooth and nail. She had something that mattered, something she wanted to hold close and hang onto.

She had Rock, she knew he would never leave her, never let her go. He was the only one she could trust with her heart and she knew now without a doubt that it had been the right thing to do.

Rock couldn't help but smile at the almost astonished look on her face. It was kind of cute actually. He had been worried about her because he knew how much her thoughts about their relationship hounded her. He knew just how hard trying to figure out her feelings had been for her and that had made it mean all that much more when she said that she loved him.

He knew that she didn't understand why he loved her, and he wasn't entirely sure he could answer that question himself with any degree of satisfaction. He just did and that was all that really mattered anyway and searching for reasons was counter to the whole ideal. Love didn't have to make sense, it wasn't an exercise in logic and trying to define it was a fools game. All he knew was that he loved her, and he was very happy that Revy loved him, and that she finally got to discover what that felt like.

He suddenly lost all ability to think about anything else however, when all at once Revy slammed her mouth over his and tried to suck out his tonsils while trying to strip them both of their remaining clothes at the same time. If there was one thing he had learned over the last three months, it was that if Revy was really feeling it, and she usually was when they were able to get together in their self proclaimed sanctuary, she could get a little wound up.

He wouldn't go so far as to say that Revy was a sexually aggressive woman, it had actually surprised him a great deal when it turned out that she seemed to prefer letting him take the lead. That's wasn't to say that she wouldn't, but she rarely did.

It seemed that their talks before things moved to sex seemed to set the mood and it didn't matter what they talked about. She would relax and laugh and the better she felt, the happier and more removed she was from the sharp edges of her own life, the more into it she was.

Right now she was really, _really_ into it.

Horny Revy was a hell of a lot more fun than angry Revy. Even she had admitted to that. And with this new feeling fuelling her, he was in for one hell of a ride.

* * *

It was mid evening, hot and muggy as usual, as they sat together coming down from the sexual high they had been on for the last couple of hours. The breeze coming from the labouring AC unit cooled their bodies of the heat and dried the sweat they had generated.

Revy sat with her back to the wall, Rock was sitting between her legs with his back to her. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders and across his chest, while her right leg was hooked over his and her head rested on his shoulder.

She was tired, they had worn each other out, but it was a good tired and not the usual weariness that came with all of the shit she lived with. She felt good, different, _alive_. She was still in awe, she had never once thought she would feel like this just because she was able to say four simple words.

'_I love you Rock.'_

She never thought she would ever feel the emotion herself, never thought she would feel it coming from someone else. She had given up on that a long time ago and thought it was impossible, that it didn't even exist, that it was just some moronic notion people tricked themselves into thinking was real so they wouldn't feel alone.

Rock had opened her eyes and showed her that it really existed and it was making her see hints of things she never thought possible, making her imagine things in quiet moments that she had never even considered before.

He was making her see something other than the dark side of life, that there was a possibility of something out there besides a life spent stumbling around in the dark in a pit of mud and blood and shit and death. In her pain and anger and self pity she had been chasing something through that soul sucking hell, something that she realized now was nothing but an illusion.

She could curse and kill and rape and pillage all she wanted but it would never do anything to ease her pain or give her back the promise of a life she had lost almost from the moment of her birth. She could be the meanest, baddest, deadliest, mother fucking bitch on the planet and it would gain her absolutely nothing. It wouldn't ease her pain one bit or cure what ailed her. All it would get her was a hole in the head and an early fucking grave.

That was where she had been headed until he came along and grabbed hold of the last tattered shreds of her humanity and pulled, hauling her up and back into the light. She had kicked and screamed and tried to resist it but he refused let her go, refused to let her be eaten alive by her own darkness.

Instead he held her in the light, held her together when she broke, held onto her and made her feel something other than anger, pain, hatred and self pity, and made her realize that her life wouldn't end if she didn't have those things to hang onto.

She might still live in a world of death and darkness and blood, but she had a lifeline to keep her from becoming lost to it. She had a reason to want to live now rather that just killing time waiting for the inevitable end to claim her and blissfully put her out of her misery.

Rock loved her and she loved Rock. _She loved him._ Every time that thought crossed through her mind it was easier to say, easier to admit to herself. It was the most unlikely god damn thing she had ever thought would happen in her life, but here it was. She just wished it hadn't taken him getting hurt for her thick fucking head to realize how she really felt.

"This is really happening isn't it Rock?" she asked quietly. "I'm really feeling this aren't I?"

"It's all real Revy," he assured her. "You really are feeling this."

"I didn't think it was possible for me to feel like this," she admitted. "Didn't know I even wanted to, I thought that part of me was long dead and gone."

"I don't think it ever truly dies or leaves a person," he said. "It can be buried down deep but I don't think the desire to be loved by someone or to love someone in return ever disappears."

"Thanks Rock," she said, the sincerity coming through in her voice. "If it wasn't for you I never would have known what this was like. You found mine and brought it out."

He smirked. "You know, if you hadn't kidnapped me in the first place, none of this ever would have happened."

"Heh…guess it wasn't such a bad fucking idea after all then was it?" she laughed. "And who needs a ransom? I got something a hell of a lot better out of it."

He chuckled. "Oh, so I'm the fearsome pirate's treasure am I?"

She lightly knocked her head against his. "Damn right you are. Smartass. Just don't go getting yourself shot again." She raised her right hand and lightly touched his jaw where she had decked him. He was sporting a pretty good bruise. She sighed. "So why did you do it anyway?"

"When Balalaika told me and Dutch the particulars of the job, she just seemed really anxious about it," he explained. "It seemed like it was very important to her, not so much from a business sense but like it was something personal. I didn't know which case was which after the shooting started so when I saw the chance I grabbed them both."

"That explains her reaction when we got back to her office, I thought she was going to come over the desk and jump your bones right there." She sighed. "But even though you pissed me off and scared the shit outta me, I guess I wouldn't have figured things out if you hadn't."

"I'm sorry Revy," he apologized.

"Yeah, well considering what came out of it I suppose I could cut you a little slack," she drawled. "But don't think that I won't beat the shit out of you if you go and do something like that again."

"I'm sure you will," he said. "And I'm in no hurry to confirm it either." He let his hand rest on the leg that was wrapped around him and gave a gentle squeeze. "Besides, this is a lot more fun. I get to make you smile and see you be happy. And I don't get hurt this way."

"Remember that the next time you decide to be the hero."

They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the contact and the respite it brought from the world outside the room.

"You know, I won't let go of you either Rock," she said after a while, giving voice to what had been going on in her head. "I'm not good at all of this emotional shit, but if you need me to hold you together I'll try my best. Just so long as you don't let go of me, I won't let go of you."

"You've got a deal Revy."

He turned his head, seeking out her lips and found them waiting for him. Things soon became heated with tongues clashing, her right had sliding all over his chest, her left going considerably farther south, while his right hand stroked the length of her thigh.

"So Rocky-baby," she breathed in his ear after they came up for air. "Wadda ya think about fucking me in the shower?"

He didn't answer, at least not verbally. With a laughing Revy wrapped around his back he got off the bed and hurried into the shower.

She may not be capable of showing this side of herself outside of this room, but she was sure as hell going to make the most of it while they were here.

She had found something, someone, to hang onto and there was no way in hell either of them was letting go.

* * *

AN: Gah, endings always give me trouble.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and I look forward to your reviews.

And while you're hanging around, please check out my other stories as well and let me know what you think.


End file.
